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The Monster Within Facing an eating disorder... Chapter One: Is Today the Day? “Oh, please, dear Lord, let today be my last. My heart, soul, and mind know that I’m not like anyone else. I can’t accept myself, it’s so hard to change, to love myself and give up. Why? Why can’t I take care of myself for my own happiness? I keep thinking that someone will come into my life and make this monster, this self-hatred, go away. But I’m only fooling myself.” Cynthia explained that she had been puking after she ate for the last 10 years. But having nothing in her stomach and then puking wasn’t the way she went at it. She ate and ate and ate and then would make it all come out, either taking laxatives or making herself binge. Whenever she felt alone, she lived only to destroy herself. Cynthia used to be all big into going to church, and everything until she started “slowly killing herself.” One day, a lady named, Joan called Cynthia to have her call a Christian clinic in Texas. She knew that deep down; she was killing herself, but slowly. She would spend so much money on groceries, even if she couldn’t afford it. She then called the clinic, as she told the secretary to “please, hurry. I can’t hold on mu