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This past week, as I've attempted to sedate myself with the usual lineup of reality entertainment — "Elimidate", "Married by America," the war in Iraq, etc. — I found myself bombarded with adverts for special news reports, the subjects of which truly terrified me. "How Will the War in Iraq Affect the Academy Awards?" they postulated. Already there was talk of rolling up the red carpets, shortening the pre-Oscar hullabaloo, no celebrity interviews... "Good lord," I thought, "is this the apocalypse?" Gradually, though, I began to feel comfortable with the idea. As I've said, I've been watching a lot of reality shows, especially these specials in which 'embedded reporters' frenetically describe the living conditions of soldiers in war-torn Iraq, and the prospect of this whole war bonanza becoming intermeshed with the Academy Awards started to excite me. I mean, imagine what would happen if characters from "Th